Dear diary,
This is one confession post. I really really want to confess that I enjoy bitching. However, I say that all human beings are beautiful, I can't resist my urge to bitch and to make matters worse, I am quite vocal about it. I sincerely feel that people who can't bitch are lacking creativity and are fake. Deep inside their hearts, they also want to bitch, but either they are not able to gather courage or are short of ideas. And people who condemn this therapeutic art need to really practice this coz it will come handy in moments of frustration and self defense...:)
Few days back, I was playing this game of "lets bitch about everybody sitting here" with a friend at a coffee house. To my surprise the guy was complementing the subject. People this is outrageous...never ever complement when you want to bitch. After acknowledging that particular friend's ignorance in this much needed skill, I am putting down some basic rules of bitching. These are very simple ones, and anyone religiously following them can master this art (and after you have mastered it, put a comment...I will give you my account number, you need to transfer my fee...Nothing comes for free dear.!!!) So, the rules..:
1. As mentioned earlier also, never ever complement the target. This is crime.
2. Think that you are the ruler of his world and the target/subject is has offended you.
3. React as if the subject has stolen your style of dressing, talking, walking or even boy friend/girl friend.
4. Imagine that the target is your BOSS. Trust me, this really works. No matter how sober one is, he can't resist bitching about his boss.
5. LOVE yourself. When you love yourself, you might want to criticize 0thers. Other than bitching, loving oneself also acts as a good defense mechanism.
6. Analyze the subject in detail. The better are your analysis skills, the better are your chances of finding faults and hence topics to bitch about.
7. You can bitch about anything you want. It could be the hair style, PDA, clothes, voice, drinks, shoes, eyes, nose...just anything..!!!
8. Try practicing it at less crowded place. Reason is simple, if you have less options, you would find creative points.
9.Always remember that bitching is not at all bad. You are not harming anybody and the other person doesn't even know that he/she is being discussed somewhere. (This is to prevent the guilty feeling..:))
10. Guys can also bitch and guys can also be bitched about. Lets not bring gender bias here as well.
So ppl, all the best. Keep practicing till you master this art and don't forget to ask for further help , if required.
Cheers,
SM
