The Art of Bitching...:)

Dear diary,

This is one confession post. I really really want to confess that I enjoy bitching. However, I say that all human beings are beautiful, I can't resist my urge to bitch and to make matters worse, I am quite vocal about it. I sincerely feel that people who can't bitch are lacking creativity and are fake. Deep inside their hearts, they also want to bitch, but either they are not able to gather courage or are short of ideas. And people who condemn this therapeutic art need to really practice this coz it will come handy in moments of frustration and self defense...:)

Few days back, I was playing this game of "lets bitch about everybody sitting here" with a friend at a coffee house. To my surprise the guy was complementing the subject. People this is outrageous...never ever complement when you want to bitch. After acknowledging that particular friend's ignorance in this much needed skill, I am putting down some basic rules of bitching. These are very simple ones, and anyone religiously following them can master this art (and after you have mastered it, put a comment...I will give you my account number, you need to transfer my fee...Nothing comes for free dear.!!!) So, the rules..:

1. As mentioned earlier also, never ever complement the target. This is crime.
2. Think that you are the ruler of his world and the target/subject is has offended you.
3. React as if the subject has stolen your style of dressing, talking, walking or even boy friend/girl friend.
4. Imagine that the target is your BOSS. Trust me, this really works. No matter how sober one is, he can't resist bitching about his boss.
5. LOVE yourself. When you love yourself, you might want to criticize 0thers. Other than bitching, loving oneself also acts as a good defense mechanism.
6. Analyze the subject in detail. The better are your analysis skills, the better are your chances of finding faults and hence topics to bitch about.
7. You can bitch about anything you want. It could be the hair style, PDA, clothes, voice, drinks, shoes, eyes, nose...just anything..!!!
8. Try practicing it at less crowded place. Reason is simple, if you have less options, you would find creative points.
9.Always remember that bitching is not at all bad. You are not harming anybody and the other person doesn't even know that he/she is being discussed somewhere. (This is to prevent the guilty feeling..:))
10. Guys can also bitch and guys can also be bitched about. Lets not bring gender bias here as well.

So ppl, all the best. Keep practicing till you master this art and don't forget to ask for further help , if required.

Cheers,

SM

10 reasons why I am thinking of marriage...!!!

1. My parents want me to.

2. I can never get a month's leave even if I am paralysed...marriage will give me access to the really needed long vacation.

3. I donot want to spend money on rent and grocery shopping. Let the guy pay all the bills and I would enjoy my hard earned money.

4. I really need somebody to give me expensive gifts.

5. I want to threaten my boss that I will quit if he asks me to work. (Marriage will give me a backup) ;)

6. Peer pressure I : All my friends are getting married.

7. Peer presssure II : My room mates are also getting married slowly. Staying alone becomes very expensive and unmanageable.

8. I love shopping. Like all other members of the female species, I also love shopping. This pious step would give me a reason to shop practically unlimited stuff.

9. I really want to know how the makeup would look on me.

10. Last but not the least, A companion for life is not a bad idea after all..!!!

P.S. : The reasons mentioned here are in chronological order of preference and importance.

"Shift + Delete"

I am not very good at technology stuff...I mean even the computers agree to this, they tend to slow down or for that matter deny to boot when they see me coming. And I am really serious about this (ppl dont to take me very seriously on certain matters :) ). But one thing I have really learnt from my system is SHIFT+DELETE. Its so cool. You can permanently delete the stuff from the system that you don't want. There isn't any scope for having the undesirable stuff at Recycle Bin.
I am learning to apply the same in real life as well. The thoughts, disasterous moments, bad hair days and ppl's comments on that, painful meetings with the boss, arguments with mom, disagreements with friends and above all, things that make me feel guilty...I am just trying to apply SHIFT+DELETE to certain things and it will never come back to me. It would be a WOW moment if I succeed in that and probably would write a book on the same and that book would become a bestseller....Pollyanna you know...cant stop dreaming..:).
Well the status as of now is that I have been able to apply it to some smaller things and not the sacred and serious ones. Actually, I stilll have to figure out the stuff I need to dump. But whenever I am done with this exercise, would surely share the take aways at this platform (for the privileged few, who dare to read my blog).
Till then ENJOY..!!!

On Confounding Contradictions...

Often people tell me that I have got a very contradictory personality. I am super extrovert at one end and amazingly conservative on the other. I am always accessible most of times and completely out of reach at some other times. Well, if you call these confounding contradictions in my personality, then yes...I agree!!! But after a series of introspection sessions, I realized that these contradictions are not so loud and damaging. In fact, this is what I am composed of, this is what I am so proud of myself...this is ME..!!! This is my secret to happiness.
I can be a complete party person, be the life of a party if required and at the same time, I can be a person who needs to be home, take care of thousands of small and big things forgetting the material joys of life.
I can intimidate the opposite sex to an extent that , he feels disparaged but can be so understanding, loving and submissive that he might think that I have got all the powers of compromise of the world.
I can be somebody who epitomizes feminism and surely enter the so called "only for men" arena with perfection that nobody can ever feel I don't belong there.
....
...
...
Wanted to continue writing with this list but first review of the post says that this is enough..I should not talk about I, ME, MYSELF to such an extent that people start predicting me or stop reading my blog ;). But being myself and being the way I have described here always keeps me at ease. I can survive with minimum expectations and still enjoy the life at its fullest. I strongly feel that people get bored of themselves or things around them if they live in a bullet point version, people who think they know what they want and how they want to do it. After sometime it tends to become so mechanical that it no more sounds like a LIFE. I do agree that clarity in thoughts and ambitions is required, but the more important question is that how do you "tag" a thought or an individual and for how long can you hold it. Being "contradictory" exposes me to all the aspects and I feel sorted. A 3D movie is always more appreciated than the single dimension pictures..!!!

This all sounds dangerously philosophical..but then its my blog and would write anything I feel about..:)

I am not a spendthrift....But I don't know where my salary goes...!!!

No pun intended. The question is really serious. I have made so many efforts to be calculative in my spending and saving money for the worst (well, the worst is NOW coz the banking industry is going through a turmoil), but all in vain. And people I am really NOT a spendthrift...!!! This fact hit me yesterday when someone told me that I need not be dependent on my salary as I would have saved enough after the 2.5 yrs of hard work (wat..i did put lot of hard work..).

My fixed expenses are 1/3rd of my salary, which I keep aside in the beginning of the month...I don't drink, don't smoke, don't have a great liking for jewelery or expensive clothes, a part of my mobile bill is paid by the company...but still the bank account shows dismal numbers. I really wanted to put down the cost sheet here but decided against it for understandable reasons. I am gonna do this exercise again this time. I am going to account every expense I make so that I can atleast be aware of my outflows. Every single penny needs to be accounted..!!!
GOD, please give me strength to manage my finances...AMEN!!!

Damn Orkut...!!!

Well...when I logged in to internet I thought I would write about my b'day...my 25th b'day....(gosh, I feel so old) but after checking my scraps on orkut, my mind changed. I went back one year..10th October 2007, my 24th birthday, me and my friends were not that active on orkut last year so I got uncountable calls to wish me b'day. When I say uncountable, it means I started getting calls at 6 in the morning and they lasted at around 9 in the night. My voice had started breaking up by 6 PM because of the no. phone calls I had to attend but I felt so special.

I always think that human beings are escapists by nature. And the same was proved this year on my birthday...grrrr...I got so many "happy birthday to you, have a blast" scraps and the phone calls reduced proportionalely...Damn Orkut..!!! I love phone calls on my birthday...why the hell do we have mobile phones then..!!! I think the time is not far when we would invite laptops to b'day parties and have drinks on video conference.( Well, fruit punch for me :)).

Anyways, this bithday was celebrated with real people at 10 Downing Street (Retro Night) and ws amazing fun. We all danced away to glory to songs atleast I don't understand...am not into music anyways..)

Wishing me and everybody lots of happiness, success and phone calls on bithday...!!!

I Me Myself..

The woods are lovely, dark and deep;
But I have promises to keep;
And miles to fo before I sleep;
And miles to go before I sleep.

- Robert Frost

These lines are so true and relevant. Today I am actually feeling the meaning.

The Crosswords Experience..!!!

I often claim that I love reading books..you know....almost all kinds of books...fiction, psychology, tarot reading etc etc, however I rarely remember what the book was all about when I am done with it.

I also claim (to myself) that I like observing people around me. Different kind of individuals behaving in unique manners always amuse me. I think...why is he/she talking in that specific manner?, what is going on in his/her mind?, what if I was interacting to that particular person?....and then I go in deeper details and try to understand the dynamics behind human behavior and its consequences. I also try to generalize certain class of individuals and their behaviours based on my and only my logic and understanding.(would write more about this in detail later..this post is dedicated to The Crosswords Experience)

Now that I have set up a relevant background (its an assumption), lets get back to the main point...

Date: 25th May 2008
Time : 9.00 PM
Venue: Road no 10, Banjara hills
What am I doing there : walking towards home...

Flashback:

Just closed a deal, reported it to my boss and am kind of happy so I decide to go home little early. Its 5.30 PM and I reach the City Center to buy some grocery. The ground floor has foodworld and 2nd or 3rd floor (I dont remember exactly) has crosswords. So before buying grocery I think of checking out the latest books.
I come across "The Kalam Effect" by P.M.Nair. Looks like a very ordinary book but I want to read about Mr. Kalam, I have always wanted to. So I keep that book in my hand and start looking for something more interesting. I am actually searching for an auto biography by Mrs. Sudha Murthy. I dont get it so I decide to read few chapters of The Kalam Effect and then leave.

I sit on a sofa near the entrance. A man in his 60s is sitting on the Yellow sofa besides my Red sofa. He seems completely engrossed into whatever he is reading. Then begins the experience of a lifetime. I read one chapter, then another and then another and so on...just cant stop reading. I guess its not about the book but the atmosphere. I just realize that I am doing the things I like most...reading and that too around a bunch of people to observe. There are three girls, just finished their exams (I overheard..I know its bad but..whatever) and are scrolling through fashion magazines. I like their dressing style. There is this guy from the crosswords who is talking to a Muslim lady(I assume so because she is wearing a burkha) near the entrance. She wants to leave but he wants to talk to her about something. I am again listening to their conversation.
The book explains that Mr. Kalam is an extremely good human being and he insists that whoever is recruited in his team is a good human being.
The Muslim lady asks the guy to accompany her till taxi but the guy is on duty so he cant step out. The lady leaves with a bad mood. P.M. Nair talks about an incidence where he asks his team to mend a see-saw in one of the parks because a girl had complained him about the same. I am moved.
Now a firang enters the store. She directly walks to a particular section. I want to know which book she wants to buy. She picks up a book written on SRK. What????
Its aroung 8.15 and I am done with 3/4th of the book. I feel guilty. Do I want to read the entire book here and leave without actually buying it. I continue. The three girls are still here. I guess they are waiting for somebody. A guy enters the store, french beard, ultra low waist jeans, puma shoes, a very loose brown shirt and with a "I am a rockstar" look on his face. He hugs two of the three girls, well not exactly hugs them but in a gesture of hello, nice to meet you. The third girl avoids him with a plain hello. They all walk out and the guy is walking with the girl who avoided him. Rocket science is easier to understand than human relationships!!!
I am done with the book and step out. The old man o Yellow sofa is still there. Am feeling good, really good. I still donot know its the effect of heavenly qualities of Mr. Kalam or the ambience. I decide to take a walk to home...alone!!!

Creativity is on leave..!!!

Long time, I havn't written anything here...and even now words, feelings, memories are not coming to me easily...just cant think of writing anything...want to write about the amazing GOA Trip, about my experience of watching cricket match live for the first time about the new book I am reading and so on...

I will be back!!!

settle hona hai cont...

Today is a BIG day for me...I am trying to put some more perspectives to the "settle hona hai" post. :)...

4. Gather Assets: This one might sound little weird but I think its relevant. We head towards buying lots of tangible assets. This has got a philosophical angle to it.The tangibles around us contribute to the stability. A plasma TV of your own, a refrigerator brought from the hard earned money and from profits in stock market. We think we are settling down.

5.No more late nights: This again is an interesting observation . We try to devote more time to the productive things which we never used to do in first two
years of professional lives and NEVER when student. A practical example would be reading economic times and attending to CNBC seriously. (atleast with me its happening...instead of listening to loud music in the morning,which I used to do religiously till last year, now I watch CNBC and that too very attentively).

Define???

One of my friends during a discussion asked me...why do u always ask for definitions?
Here's the discussion:

Him : Are you single?
Me : What do you mean by single?
Him : Anyone who's available?
Me : Available for what?
Him : For lunch tomorrow?
Me : No, am not single.

A discussion with other friend:

Her: Are you free now?
Me : Free for what?
Her : ???
Me : ya, free to talk, free for lunch, free for movie....
Her : why do you think so much
Me : ???
Her : I mean, you are always quantifying things.
Me : ya, i like it.
Her : Ok, free for shopping.
Me : ya, lets go.
Her : I hate you.
Me : Am loving it.

So, I guess now its little clear that why do I ask for definitions. Human Beings are subjective by nature. What "A" thinks is always different than what "B" is thinking and interpreting. When one responds to certain messages, he/she should first know what the message/stimulus is all about. We don't think that ways and end up going round and round about issues.
The moral of story is : Clarity.